Dear Family, please wax my moustache!
Recently, I was enjoying a virtual coffee with a new friend when we started to discuss one another’s business ventures. Oddly enough, I find most people are intrigued in what I do once I explain my role with Executors and helping to run an estate. They usually have many questions as I help them get the wheels turning on the concept of estates. This new friend of mine asked if I do any estate planning, which is one of my favorite questions as my answer is a confident “No” ….but my firm does Estate Training. I view Estate Training as a road map of what a person’s wishes would look like for their Power of Attorney or Executor. Or, if you are going to be the person in this position of power, then estate training would provide instructions on how to successfully fulfill the role. One of my number one discussion components during this session is the consideration of our own health care wishes.
In my opinion, the conversation regarding one’s health care wishes is a vital discussion to have with our family. However, in my experience most Canadians are either not having this talk, or if they are having the chat, they are expressing their wishes in vague terms. Whenever I begin broaching the topic of health with my clients, they usually tell me….” oh, my kids know to pull the plug” or something along those lines. When I hear a comment such as “pull the plug” or “no extraordinary measures”, I challenge the remark with the following questions…. What does that mean? And better yet…. What do you think your Substitute Decision Maker (also known as Attorney for Personal Care) THINKS it means?
Let us step back a bit and try to think about ourselves without all the technical mumbo jumbo. Close your eyes…. actually, don’t do that, as technically you are reading this blog at the moment! Take a deep breath and think about the following questions:
What aspects about your ordinary day are important to you? Personally, I think of things like being able to spend time with family and friends. I am a big board game fan, being able to enjoy an afternoon of amusement with my favorite people would be important in my on-going health care plans. I also love my dogs; I NEED my dogs to visit me and cuddle me. Lastly, I enjoy nature and being outdoors…. especially in the fall, I simply relish in the crisp air and the gorgeous symphony of colors put on by Mother Nature.
Do you notice what is missing from the above? Any discussion whatsoever about the “pulling of any plugs” or technical terms. Understanding and communicating information about what is important in your daily life shapes decisions that your family will make about your care. Based on the above, my family wouldn’t house me somewhere where I could not sit outside, or if that was not possible at least be close to a window. They would also understand that if I were no longer able to communicate and enjoy time with my favorite people, or in a vegetative state, that it would be time to let me go.
If you were unable to care for yourself, what kind of grooming matters to you? This is super important to me. Readers…. I am Portuguese…. if you leave this girl untended for too long, you’ll confuse Debbie for her brother Steve. Ungroomed Debbie is not a good sight, and it is also important to me that my family isn’t sitting by my hospital bed staring at my whiskers or heaven forbid a moustache! Those who are close to me know that I would like a designated person to ensure some grooming is maintained on this European Physique.
Again, what’s missing? No technical terms, instead I am talking about waxing, hair brushing, and a little lip gloss, because I want my family’s last memories of me to be as gentle on the eyes as possible. I have a friend who lovingly remembers her mother every time she smells a certain body lotion, as it was important to her mom that she enjoy that cream up until the day she passed away.
Who have I told about these deepest wishes and thoughts? Well, if you are me…. I have told the internet, so I suppose I am covered! In all seriousness, have you shared your thoughts, fears, and wants with the people who will be tasked with making your personal health care decisions for you one day? Don’t keep the wishes you have in your head. If you are not comfortable with talking about it with others, at least write them down in your own handwriting and leave the note somewhere your loved ones can find. At one of the most difficult times of their lives, your family will be so grateful that they had your communication to help guide them through the process.
There are many more points to consider when it comes to the conversations we should have about our personal health care wishes, including the more technical talk. Continue to follow my blog to learn more about the discussions we can be having and how to start the dialogue!